Tuesday, January 06, 2004

Blockbuster Trilogies Scorecard

Hi-De-Ho Rene,

As promised:

 The Lord of the RingsThe GodfatherStar WarsThe Matrix
Original conflict/problemForces of good must destroy the One Ring before Sauron or their own thirst for power destroys themCompeting forces of respectability and familial responsibility tear Michael, Corleone family apartRebels must fight the Empire's will to subjugate and/or destroy them; Luke must come to terms with destinyRebels fight to free mankind from the Machines, who have subjugated and exploited them for their life force
Continuity of conflict/problemAbsolutelyAbsolutelyAbsolutelyNope
How resolvedThe One Ring is destroyedMichael dies a broken manThe Empire is defeatedRebels make deal with the Machines
Epic timeframe13 months (not counting prologue and epilogue)Michael's adult lifetimeA few yearsA couple years
Ultimate heroFrodoMichaelLukeNeo
Ultimate villainSauronMichaelThe EmperorAgent Smith
Continuity of hero/villainYesYesTo an extent -- Vader was the villain of the first filmNot really -- The Machines ended up uneasy allies
Character continuity(1-10, 10 highest)7: Grima Wormtongue only in TT, Saruman absent in ROTK, Gimli becomes pure comic relief, some characters have continuity in yet-unfilmed Hobbit7: Michael and Kay offer significant continuity, but the rest of the cast has dwindled by Part III9: Even dead characters reappear later, at least as voices and spectres8: Death necessitated new actress as Oracle, but most characters showed continuity; Morpheus became stale and impotent
Hunky guy score7: Aragorn, Faramir, Boromir, Eomer, Legolas (in a metrosexual way)8: Michael, young Vito, Vincent, Sal Tessio (just kidding)7: Han Solo, Lando, Luke (when I was 7, maybe)5: Morpheus (in the original), Neo, Trinity (whoops…)
Butt-kicking femme score8: Not many women in sight, but Eowyn kicks serious Nazgul keister4: Kay and Connie get run over but eventually push back7: Princess Leia, eventually10: Trinity
Core fan base frenzy level1061010
Best line9: "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."10: "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli."10: "May the force be with you."8: "Free your mind."
Grade Chapter 19999
Grade Chapter 281085
Grade Chapter 39786
(Presence of George Hamilton)No (+1)Yes (-1)No (+1)No (+1)
Ultimate Score68606954
Footnote: Academy Awards6 (so far)9104 (so far)

There you have it -- and there's really nothing to argue about any more, is there?



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